iride4shiloh

The Memorial Day weekend always seems to be one of the most busiest weekends of the year.  Popular for graduations and weddings, it also signals the start to the long holiday weekend season which is great for getting away from work.  I’m cool with the holiday, but like all holidays for me it comes with specific memories of Shiloh. 

It was around this time in 2007 where we’d survived so much.  Surgery after surgery, doubt after fear, hospital drama, and quarantines.  Shiloh was doing well.  He was nursing and we were optimistic we’d be going home soon.  MDW 2007, was a good one.  I can’t recall really having a good weekend in May since that time, that is until this past weekend.  I had to go to a couple of weddings and my nieces graduation.  I kept thinking about Shiloh and how he’ll never have a graduation or a wedding and how in 2007, we were talking about how great those two events would be for the family.  The great thing about MDW 2012 is that it was spent with family & friends, and although there’s this void, there’s a promise.

I’ll fast forward to Monday the 28th.  Had a chance to ride with Jay, Larry, and Mike, 3 great guys who are serious cyclists, but they have fun when they ride.  It felt good to get in 40 miles, enjoy good conversation, and think about Shiloh.  I keep going back to my promise to Shi that I would continue to move forward and not allow the past to dictate the future because my focus would be on the present.  Those 40 miles really represented that because I’ve been working to get over a cold, produce a good work product, be as helpful as possible around the house, and of course get my training in.  It was nice to simply move forward on the bike…perpetual motion, that’s the key.

The graduation on Friday was great, bike race and wedding on Saturday very cool, and the wedding on Sunday was very nice…Monday was the BOMB!!!! Even though I was coughing up the rest of my lungs by Monday night, I’m happy I got up at 5, got ready, and got my ride in.  Next up is another grueling training ride, but I can’t wait for my next casual ride.  It took 5 years, but my Memorial Day weekend was a blast.  

Today was a very intriguing day.  I had this insane idea to go volunteer at the hospital where Shiloh was born.  This was a huge step and as I thought, a rush of memories hit me like an asthma attack.  I remembered the drive down the main road.  It was at night when we rushed Vivian to the hospital and the drive today seemed to tread as slowly as the one back in 2006.  Shiloh was born January 2007, but we were admitted into the hospital December 28, 2006.  Nonetheless, I’ll never forget the Beckley & Colorado intersection.  That night, as I approached the intersection, the light turned yellow…I could have entered on yellow, but I stopped.  2 minutes almost passed before the light turned green again.  At the time, I didn’t think that the 2 minutes could be the difference between life or death.  It was not, and I’m happy for that.  But I do remember debating, running the light, or driving through the intersection on red.  I chose not to, not because I’m some law-abiding citizen, but as soon as I would have gone through that light, “something” would have happened.

We turned on to Beckley and headed toward the maternity ward.  For the life of me, I can’t remember if we went through emergency or general admit.  What’s wild is that this hospital was the 2nd of the night.  Prior to this jet setting adventure, we went to Charleston Methodist near our home.  They basically told us, we needed to get to Methodist in downtown Dallas.  Great, wonderful, way to go making us feel good about the situation.  I believe they told us about the NICU at the hospital downtown.  I was desperately trying to remember this as I drove toward the hospital today.

As I approached the parking garage today, I looked to my right down a side street and remembered how I would try to be first to park on the street because it was free.  It’s interesting that if you are admitted to the hospital, at least in our case, you don’t get your parking ticket validated.  There was a lot of construction going on back in 2007, and the place has expanded and the facelift looks pretty decent.  It’s still a hospital, and 1 of 2 places I’d rather stay away from.  Same old restaurants, the 7-Eleven still looks like it’s one day away from closing, and the lake still had a good amount of walkers.

Anyway, I went to the hospital today to attend a 3 hour volunteer orientation.   Even after sitting through it, I could not explain to Vivian exactly what we were orientated on that required 3 hours.  Parking was easy, walking to the elevator…easy, but when the doors opened to the first floor.  I froze.  Without even thinking about it, I knew the Chapel was to the right.  There were many a night where Vivian would go down and read Psalms 91.  The rest room was to the left and you could make a B-line to the cafeteria from there.  As I walked out and toward the information desk, I wondered, why am I here, what’s the point.  There were two elderly ladies at the desk, both of the phones and flipping through the surgery schedule.  A third lady stood behind them and she directed me to the conference room for the orientation.

I walked through the door with waaaayyyy too much swag and I think I caught the group off guard.  I’m thinking it’s 9:01 and you’ve already started okay, wow!  We had to do the “who am I, and why am I here” bit.  It was harmless, but the guy next to me, kind of described himself as some type of baby whisperer, but hey, it kept the morning light.  The memories continued to flow and even during the break I tried to put the madness of 5 years ago into some kind of perspective.  After going through the do’s & dont’s, expectations, and benefits I have to admit, I was ready to go.  But I do understand form and the importance of insulating yourself against liability, but next time could we please leave the DVD’s in the storage room.

It was a nice day with a nice group and although difficult, it was rewarding.  Afterward I spoke to the volunteer coordinator who asked why I wanted to volunteer, I won’t bore you, but you know it included Shiloh.  She shared that her 5-year-old was born early and spent a couple of days in NICU, I’m not certain why, but she cut short her sentence.  She did say she was sorry for my loss, which I replied he’s still with me.  I recognized she was trying to figure out what direction to take the conversation, so I quickly told her…”I’m good, I have no complaints….today is a good day”.  She smiled and I walked away hopping on the elevator to get the hell outta dodge!  I’ll see them again on May 24th.